Herat-to-Heart with ADA DIKE

My fiancée is smokes cigarettes

Advisor: ADA DIKE

I met a 25-year-old lady called Jane in a church a couple of months ago and she has all the qualities I expect my would-be wife to possess. But she is a chain smoker. I have warned her on several occasions and advised her to quit that habit since our society forbids it but she kept promising me to do so.

A couple days ago, my friends whom I have already informed about my intention to marry Jane came to my house. No sooner had they entered in than Jane came out from the bedroom with a packet of cigarettes. She smoked all of them in the presence of my friends.

Right in her presence, my friends made their feelings about cigarettes known to her but she ignored them and continued to smoke. I love her and would want to settle down with her. Please I need your advice.

Jimoh

Dear Jimoh,

The task of giving up one’s habit is a difficult one. You are in the position to help her to quit smoking. So continue to remind her about the consequences of cigarette smoking. I believe she will change, though it won’t happen immediately.

Another alternative is for you to look for another lady if she remains adamant to quit smoking.

She only wants my money
 I met a 30-year-old beautiful lady living near my street. I like everything about her- her stature, height and hips so I decided to know more about her to enable me start a long lasting relationship that may end in marriage with her. We got talking and became friends. We ended up in a hotel where I opened up and asked for her hand for friendship. She told me that she was married to a guy who lives abroad and gave me some reasons why she would not want to cheat on her husband whom she has a three-year-old boy for. She also told me that she would be praying for me while I will be giving her pocket money to take care of herself. I accepted her excuse in good faith. But before we left that venue, she asked me to give her some money for transport fare which I did.

Since that day, this lady has been pestering my life, calling me on phone even at odd hours and requesting for money to the extent that I became afraid that she might have done something funny with the money I gave to her at that hotel. Some people advised me to warn her to stop disturbing me. My fear is that she might have done juju with the money I gave to her. It is on this note that I decided to seek your advice to enable me to a decision that will put an end to this harassment and embarrassment.

Charles

Dear Charles,

Don’t panic over her style of extorting money from you. Walk up to her and warn to her to stop disturbing you. Since she is married, she has no right to disturb you for money except you slept with her and promised her heaven and earth that day you took her to a hotel.

She did not and would not do any juju on your money if she has the fear of God. Since there is no attachment between you and her, her juju will not work on your money if you are innocent.  Be yourself and carry on with your life. She is just being funny and greedy.

My lover wants us to build a house together.

Dear Ada,

 I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for three years. My live-in lover met me in my office where I work as a cashier. I later moved out of my parent’s house and moved to an apartment he paid for before he traveled back to England.

We have been living together for about two years now and I have gotten to the point where I feel it is time to go to the next step. But I realised that he has two other women who have children for him.

He wants us to build a house together but I do want to build a house with him without being married, coupled with the fact that I don‘t have a child for him yet.

I insist we do court marriage before any other thing but on the other hand, I feel as if I am pushing him into something he does not want to do just to make me happy. It seems as if he will not love me as much anymore by making him do this and I don’t think it is right.

I don’t know what to do. I love him with all my heart and soul and I know he loves me too. So I need some help on how I should address the issue on coming to an agreement that will make us both happy. 
  Margaret

    

Dear Margaret

The situation you find yourself in is one which only you can decide on. While not getting married is not a big deal to some folks, it is an extremely important next step in a relationship for many others, especially in our society.

I recommend that the two of you attend some premarital counseling sessions so you can better communicate your expectations of marriage to one another but since he lives in England, it will be a bit difficult.

I will advice you not to invest all the money you have in a joint venture because it is risky. What if his kids and other women rise after his demise to fight for what two of you laboured together? Ponder over it.

Food for thought
 My educated dad always said, “When I have some extra money, I’ll get it.” The problem was, there was never any extra. So he worked harder to draw more money in rather than focus on the law of money; “Give and you shall receive.” Instead, He believes in “Receive and then you give.”

In conclusion, I became both glad. One part of me is a hard-core capitalist who loves the game of money making money. The other side is a socially responsible teacher who is deeply concerned with the ever-widening gap between the haves and the have-nots. I personally hold the archaic educational system primarily responsible for this growing gap.

 From Rich Dad, Poor Dad

Love quotes
Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable. ~ Bruce Lee

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. ~ Mother Teresa

Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. ~ Oscar Wilde